My battle with myself

I have always, in one sense or another, been at war with myself. It's exhausting. It's worse than anybody would ever like to admit. I'm so sick of it all the time.

I look in the mirror. Immediately:

1. My hair is overgrown and needs to be re-dyed;
2. My face is either too long or too short;
3. My mouth is the wrong shape or size;
4. I have no fashion sense, or a very faggy one;
5. I'm always too short (especially in comparison to other men);
6. I'm either too thin or too fat, or somehow, both.

One could argue that it's a little gay for a man to care about this at all. I would be inclined to agree, but I simply don't think being gay is a bad thing. I spent a while under the impression that I was gay, after all, and it did me no harm. So be it.

The problem comes from how it's more than just physical; I'm self conscious of just about everything I do, my mannerisms, my thought processes. I am obsessive. It is not good.

I write something to post on the Internet. Immediately:

1. Have I worded this too harshly? Am I not being firm enough to get my point across?
2. Am I revealing any potentially embarrassing information about myself, my habits, or my interests?
3. Will the opinion being expressed be pushed back against? Why and by who?
4. Does my typing style make me look like an idiot?

...and so on. I hate it. I hate it with all my heart!

Weird Web October